I'm back already!
I want to make a note that this insurance carrier does NOT require the 4 month pre-op diet, but the program at Community South DOES.
I posted my intro, but I wanted to add my medical experience up until this post.
It was kind of hard to take that first step. After 20 years of hoping for the opportunity, when the opportunity knocked, I was pretty nervous to answer.
But I did answer.
And I'll tell you what. When you are at that vulnerable point in your life when you have to make a phone call and tell a total stranger on the other end that you're just so fat you can't deal with it on your own, that person's response makes a big difference. Had the person that answered the phone blown me off, or seemed insensitive in any way, I probably would have hung up out of sheer mortification.
But she wasn't that way. Her name was Tammy, and she was kind.
She scheduled my first consult with the Doctor, which was a video conference. The doctor was kind and understanding. I felt very at-ease, and he answered all of my questions. Then I had to schedule blood work, a meeting with the dietician, more blood work, and a 3 hour psychological assessment. (Those are the lovely barriers of which I spoke in the last blog).
But being the proverbial AKC poodle, I'm jumping through all of their flaming hoops since there's really not much else I can do.
Let's talk about the dietician visit. It was an hour long and pretty much was exactly what I'd expected. She was okay, or so I thought at the time, and spoke very fast. She covered a LOT of information in that hour, which I will sum up in 7 words: "If you like it, don't eat it".
Seriously. That covers it.
And ya kind of have to crack up that they're sending these people in there to hear all of this AGAIN. I mean, fat people KNOW how to eat right. We just....don't. And while we all know we will have to make these changes, they're hitting us with, "NO BREAD! Not even fake bread! Not even low carb bread! NONE! No rice, no potatoes, no tortillas, no biscuits, no cereal, no oatmeal. Nothing that even looks like bread. Don't even listen to the band "Bread".
Oh, and also, don't eat any fruit, fruit juice, milk, pasta, corn, peas, diet desserts (seriously?), coffee creamer (even sugar free), frozen meals, 100-calorie packs of snacks, alcohol, no sauces, no ketchup, no BBQ sauce, no butter, or anything with flavor.
But on the bright side, I can have cottage cheese (IE, "dog vomit"), I can also have actual dog vomit, provided the dog did not eat bread, eggs, legumes, dried beans, black-eyed peas, Tempeh (WTF?), Seitan (Again, WTF?), tofu, soy nuts, edamame, meat (as long as there's no skin, no fat or flavor, eaten plain, no sauce), meatless burgers, ostrich (I'm not making this up), buffalo (see previous), unflavored soy milk, and low fat cheese.
Lunch: Cheese
If that doesn't send your mouth watering, you can add on some exciting flavors such as a wide variety of vinegars, low salt broths, powdered peanut butter, capers, fish sauce, and a dab of liquid smoke.
Do I hear someone's stomach growling? 😉
I guess I could have raised my hand and pointed out to them that people do not end up in this room because they're able to be handed a ridiculous list of "don't eat this" items and expect that to just....work.
I must go now, as it's dinnertime, and I do believe I smell the delightful aroma of dandelions and steamed kale! (No sauce, of course).
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